Fate

I’m way behind, between the earthquake, hurricane and work.  I guess I should continue anyways, so I wrote this today in a more philosophical approach.

I’ll try to make up for lost days as concepts come to me.

 

I don’t believe that fate exists.

Or that I’m doomed to be.

I just do what I feel is right

I simply just exist.

 

I don’t think I am chemicals.

My mind is a product of me.

Whatever you want to say or do.

Does not make destiny.

 

Even now I stimulate.

And force your mind to change.

So do you think you own your fate?

Or did I make your bed?

 

You now see freedom is a gift.

One that you must take.

But if you choose to still ignore.

The fool is in the mirror.

Returning

Life continues as normal.
Round and round and round.

I have no guide to follow.
No road map have I found.

But yet the path is simple.
And I feel just where to go.

You see it is a circle.
A familiar place I know.

And why it seems so new.
In the end it’s dejá vu

You see I’ve seen the future of me.
In the past where soon I’ll be.

I am

Today is.
Tomorrow will be.
Yesterday was.

And yet they are the same.
And yet they are what you make.
And yet they all are different.

I am.
I will be.
I was.

And yet I am the same.
And yet I will be better.
And yet I was worse.

But all these things have happened.
And all has come to pass.
They all exist together, future, present, past.

Problems

Problems come and problems go.
And yet I feel the same.

I simply state well yes, or no;
A stupid mental game.

My actions never make me grand.
Or feel so very higher.

No, it’s more like sinking sand.
With no room to inspire.

Oh well, it is another day.
I guess tomorrow’s new.

So maybe I should stay away.
From poems that seem blue.

Needesire

I think the struggle is pretty self explanatory on this one, it goes out to a friend.  It’s a story all too familiar to most of us, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  Such struggles make us stronger, move us forward and help us develop the character and patience all of us need to build future relationships, even if our current efforts may be in vain.

Once again the night grows dark and man cries in the distance.
He misses what he held so dear but surely drove away.

But pursues her with a new found flame, a strong burning persistence.
And so regrets his very vice that forced what he did say.

Yet, as he walks along his path, he’s met with tough resistance.
Then retreats, right back in thought, to try another day.

For now, he feels alone again, a life of just subsistence.
Clinging to the little hope he has and tries to pray.

But all’s not lost, he would be fine, with adequate assistance.
You see, he needs to separate from things that seem cliche.

For when you want to prove yourself, find words of strong consistence.
So that, you both, are on a team, in words you do portray.

See, no one wants to be alone, for all of their existence.
With knowledge then, you’ll know just how to win back your bouquet.

And so, to you, I wish the best, in any step you play.
You do your best, follow your gut, it surely won’t betray.

Yet realize as you really should, one’s job is not to sway.
While hooray is quite often good, the same is of okay.

Johnston

This was my first venture into a true meaningful poem. I had played with rhyming schemes and had little playful poems before, particularly when wooing women. But this was my first poem about me, which I wrote while making a lake night trek north (which I assumed was west, my mind was clearly elsewhere).

Consider this a freebie for today.

Today I hit the open road.
And walked to find all I could see.
A man lost in his own deep thoughts.
With body warn and mind set free.

And so I came along the path.
Where sidewalks turned into bare ground.
And continued still upon my path.
Where others tread their path I found.

I am not sure what lies west (north) now.
Or what to see when I arrive.
A simple place and happy smile.
Or the peace for which I strive.

It’s not that I’m a tortured soul.
Or that my mind must be set free.
I simply take what life provides.
And make the best in all of me.

The police they came.
They do not know.
From where I am.
Or where I go.

They make me stop.
And test my brain.
But clear of influence.
Means not ones sane.

They can’t believe.
I walked this far.
They offer escort.
Rides in car.

But walking back.
Is what I need.
Desires burn.
That I must feed.

For when I peer.
Into my soul.
I must see gold.
And not a hole.

And so I forge.
Myself in flame.
For life is harsh.
But still a game.

So where it ends.
I do not know.
And so I…

Light and Dark

Today I write a poem.
That’s not of strength or struggle.
No, it is a happy tune.
A playful lyrical juggle.

I really should explore much more.
Than simple word and rhyme.
To find the answers that I want.
And not just waste my time.

But today is far too great.
To focus on such cause.
Today I get to sit right back.
And ponder while I pause.

You see my soul, it fights me now.
Wants things it does not know.
Aspiring to higher heights.
It cannot wait to go.

And yet I am a better man.
Well better than I was.
And if you don’t know why that’s true.
I’ll simply state “because.”

You see I grow most every day.
I learn so much from days before.
So when I find a troubled scene.
All the solutions are in store.

So yes I’m dumb and arrogant.
A man of foolish pride.
Relaxing all the day away.
And casting cares aside.

But there is something that I know.
I’m almost sure you don’t.
You see I do these foolish things.
Because you simply won’t.

(Five hours later)

Yet happiness cannot go on.
Forever now and all day long.
I tried to keep the joy a day.
But in the end it turned out wrong.

So life is good and life is bad.
And life is everything between.
Life is full of wondrous things.
An ocean deadly yet serene.

So what was happy now is sad.
And what was day has turned to night.
I woke to find a beautiful world.
But darkness turned it out of sight.

(One hour later)

So now I end this “happy” tune.
In a manner that’s not so.
Stuck in this ever turning ocean.
I take the waves both high and low.

Lost In Thought

Today I wanted to get away from the same old rhymes and playful attitude, I wanted something raw and brutal. In a (literary) world of sunshine and flowers, somebody has to stand up and state the obvious. If everything were hunky-dory, there would be no desire for betterment, no ambition, no love, no joy.

This symbolizes how I feel trapped both in my mind, thoughts, work and personal life.

Here I stand alone again.
Down an empty road.
A man lost in his own thought.
Still moving straight through time.

Who am I to feel so much?
And still know yet so little.
The purpose of, is lost to me.
But still I thrive for all.

It’s not that I’m a hollow man.
In need of something filling.
Instead I am a mortal man.
Aspiring for greatness.

But the world is cold and dark.
And I have to place called home.
So, here I stand alone again.
A man lost in his own thought.

Being Free

Life’s not easy being free.
I wish someone had said to me.

I see the world, and have my fun.
No roots to plant when on the run.

An easily blown over tree.
Yes, life’s not easy being free.

Things aren’t just as they seem.
No highway-life American Dream.

Still only smiles here for me.
Though life’s not easy being free.

I just move on and live my life.
Through long hours, pain and strife.

One long month, turns into three.
And life’s not easy being free.

It’s just demand for even more.
Through mountains, deserts, seas and shore.

And all these things, I get to see.
Still life’s not easy being free.

So now I bid, to thee goodnight.
And ride to sunset, out of sight.

Yet no one would I’d rather be.
Life’s not easy being free.

A Litte Side Project

If I had to distill my existence down to a single cause, desire, or motivation it would be knowledge.

This in mind, I spend much of my time consulting with others, expanding my perception and learning all I can about the world around me.  But such efforts don’t resolve the interpersonal conflicts, struggles, opinions and ambitions that consumes all of us.

So to solidify these things in history, I started writing a philosophical work, a modern “Summa Theologica” for myself.  However, the very things I said, my self-contradictions and my inability to stop ranting and restructuring my views drove me to question everything I “knew.”

I had to find another way to observe, relate and deduce what truly composes my being.

So I started to look for a medium in which I could better myself and explore my thoughts and mind.  While doing so, I remembered the artistic work of Kristen Bell who gave a daily reminder of things that one should be thankful for.  It was short and sweet, while full of carefree innocence and playfulness.

Based on her design, I decided that whatever I would do would be a daily (or near daily) endeavor to be carefree, playful, open and honest and explore whatever depths of my existence I chose to explore.

 

With this in mind I decided that I should write a poem every day(ish) for a year.  They will be personal, philosophical, and brutally raw.  Only minor edits will be made, and I will try to openly address any questions about them.  So far, I already have three, and so I’ll start with them here today.